Holistic Hesychia

The Orthodox Christian Marriage by Priest Alexey Young [Now Hieromonk Ambrose]

Silouana — Thu, 07 May 2026 17:47:05 GMT

The Characteristics of a Successful Marriage

Experience tells us that two people get married and immediately begin to discover how very different they are. The fact is, we don't really even begin to know ourselves until we are married. We live too close to ourselves. It really does take someone else to help us to see ourselves as we really are. One of the fringe benefits of a good marriage is that one acquires a built-in psychiatrist: a good spouse who cares enough to listen without having to be paid for it! We know that many emotional illnesses are a result of a person having some inner burden weighing on him which he had never been able to really share with someone else. In a good marriage, husband and wife share their burdens with one another, and this sharing is without reservation, without having to worry about how the other person will react, without having to keep up a front.

A marriage is not a missionary enterprise! It has enough problems and difficulties of its own without each partner trying to thoroughly change and remake the other. One of the most common and most serious illusions young marrieds have is that of marrying someone in the hope and expectation of changing that person.

True love does not force itself on anyone, and it does not force change; it evokes growth. How? First, by accepting one's spouse as he or she is. When we marry, we do not sign up to change the other person; we just agree to love him as he is. The best thing a husband can do to change his wife, or vice-versa, is to change himself, to correct his own faults—in keeping with Christ's instructions to His followers.

We think of disloyalty in a marriage as being when one spouse commits adultery. The fact is, we can be disloyal and unfaithful just as thoroughly by putting business, or parents, or hobbies, or someone else before our spouse. That, too, is disloyalty. And anyone who is not ready to place his spouse ahead of career, ahead of parents, ahead of friends, ahead of recreation, is not ready for marriage—and such a marriage will fail. Marriage is for adults, not for children.

If you fit the first button into the first hole of your suit, all the other buttons will fall in their proper place. But if the first button is placed in the second hole, nothing will come out right. It's a matter of putting first things in first place, of keeping priorities straight. Likewise in marriage. Husbands, if you put your wives first—and wives, if you put your husbands first—everything else will fall into its proper place in the marriage relationship.

There are many characteristics that a successful marriage has, but in my view the three most important are these:

1. Praise. No marriage can prosper if there is no praise. Everyone in life needs to feel appreciated at some point by someone. And nothing can kill love faster than continual criticism. When we husbands and wives praise each other—in small ways as well as in big ways—we are also saying to one another: I love you; I value you. Praise nurtures a good marriage. And it is the one characteristic that is most lacking in modern marriages.

2. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is essential for a happy marriage. When couples ask me, "Do you think our marriage can survive?" my answer is always, "Yes, providing you are willing to forgive each other." And this forgiveness should not be just after a major crisis in a family. It should be every single day. In a successful marriage, a husband and wife are constantly asking forgiveness of each other. When we don't do this, wounds don't get healed. We grow apart from each other. We grow cold towards one another, and we don't obtain the blessings that God sends down on husbands and wives that mutually forgive one another.

3. Time. A successful marriage takes time. It does not happen overnight. It must grow. It is a long and difficult process; like all good things in life, it comes through considerable effort and struggle. Those of you not yet married, or on the verge of marriage, should remember this: we live in a society of instantaneous gratification—we want what we want, when we want it, and that when is now. And this impatience on our part has had a very destructive effect on marriages, even in the Orthodox Church. If we have no patience with each other, and are not willing to give many years to working out a successful marriage, then our marriage is doomed.

No marriage is so good that it cannot be better, and no marriage is so bad that it cannot be improved—provided that the persons involved are willing to grow together by God's grace toward the maturity of Christ, Who came "not to be served but to serve."

An absolute essential requirement for a good marriage is the capacity to grow up. Emotional immaturity is one of the greatest causes of failure in marriage. Of course, we all come to marriage with our private assortment of immaturities and hangups. But we have to learn to outgrow them. When I was a child, observed Saint Paul, I thought as a child. I spoke as a child, I understood as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. How essential it is to a happy marriage to put away childish things: irresponsibility, insisting on getting one's own way, egotism, lack of empathy, temper tantrums, jealousy. How important it is to pray every day: "O God, help me to grow up... to look beyond myself... to realize the needs and feelings of my wife/husband, and accept the responsibility God has laid upon me."

Marriage

Silouana — Sun, 22 Jun 2025 21:34:38 GMT

Ten Commandments for Spouses:

Do not make yourself a teacher for your spouse. The best way to teach him/her something is to love him/her.

Marriage is an enduring yet wonderful adventure, which helps us to discover our true selves and the spiritual world of our spouse, and to better know God.
Accept your spouse as he/she is, not as you want him/her to be.
Family is both a place of struggle and a place of confirmation.
Try to understand your spouse. Do not forget that a man thinks with his mind, while a woman thinks with her heart.
Do not try to force your opinion on your spouse or correct him/her.
Rather, try to see how you can change yourself.
Love lives where there is harmony between opposites.
Faith, endurance, and love conquer all of life's challenges.
The greatest enemy of the married life is egoism. We will not be saved by attacking our spouse, but only in battling our own ego.
The greatest example for our children is when their father loves their mother, and their mother loves their father.
The secret to domestic tranquility is the ability to forgive.
Marriage is a "Great Mystery," which is begun in the Church and is renewed by Her Divine Liturgies and Sacraments.

Marriage is the key of moderation and the harmony of desires, the seal of a deep friendship…the unique drink from a fountain enclosed, inaccessible to those without. United in the flesh, one in spirit, they urge each other on by the good of their mutual love. For marriage does not remove God, but brings all closer to Him, for it is God Himself who draws us to it.” - Saint Gregory the Theologian

"My Christian, you must love your wife as your companion, and not consider her as your slave, for she is a creature of God, just as you are. God was crucified for her as much as for you. You call God Father, she calls Him Father too. Both of you have the same Faith, the same Baptism, the same Book of the Gospels, the same Holy Communion, the same Paradise to enjoy. God does not regard her as inferior to you." - St. Kosmas Aitolos, Modern Orthodox Saints (p. 89)

“"I AM MARRIED" MEANS THAT CANNOT LIVE A SINGLE DAY. EVEN A FEW MOMENTS. WITHOUT THE COMPANION OF MY LIFE. MY HUSBAND, MY WIFE. IS A PART OF MY BEING, OF MY FLESH, OF MY SOUL HE OR SHE COMPLEMENTS ME. HE OR SHE IS THE THOUGHT OF MY MIND. HE OR SHE IS THE REASON FOR WHICH MY HEART BEATS.” - ARCHIMANDRITE AIMILIANOS

“Husbands, never call her simply by her name, but with terms of endearment, with honor, with much love. Honor her, and she will not need honor from others; she will not want the glory that comes from others, if she enjoys that which comes from thee. Prefer her before all, on every account, both for her beauty and her discernment, and praise her.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"Often there is no unity or oneness of mind in our families because wives and mothers transgress the commandment of obedience to their husbands. God wants married people to be of one mind. By disobeying God's commandment they create an atmosphere of hades in their homes." - Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives (P. 80).

"Marriage is a school for virtue, where patience, forgiveness, and love are learned and practiced daily. It is a divine workshop where two souls are forged into one, in the image of Christ." - Saint Theodore the Studite

"For a marriage to be happy, it must be not be built on the principle of trying-it-out. Crowns are placed upon the heads of those being married in the Church, and these crowns symbolize martyrdom. Martyrdom, because someone decides to live for the other, transcending his egotism, and abandoning a life lived only for himself. And not just for a day, or for two years, but for your whole life. This is a real martyrdom and podvig, when a person rises to the full measure of his human dignity." - Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov

"We don't get married to live happily ever after, to have children, to have a home. No, the main point is to enter the Kingdom of God together, which means that I am ready at any time to pay any price, to make any sacrifice and to endure any difficulty in marriage. Therefore, you cannot break off your marriage at the first difficulty that appears, or even if the difficulty continues, but it must be preserved... Marriage must rest and be built on this foundation, and that the mutual bond is built and strengthened on the joint march of the spouses to the Kingdom of God. This means that one must support the other, and both will move forward together towards the Kingdom of God." - Metropolitan Athanasius of Limassol

“I have taken you in my arms and I love you and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing. And my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us. I place your love above all things and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you." - St. John Chrysostom; Words Husband should tell their wives

A Saint John Chrysostom sermon on what a man should say to his wife on their wedding day:

"I fell in love with the excellence of your soul, which I value above all gold. For a young woman who is discreet and ingenuous, and whose heart is set on piety, is worth the whole world. For these reasons, then, I courted you, and I love you, and prefer you to my own soul. For the present life is nothing. And I pray, and beseech, and do all I can, that we may be counted worthy to so live in this present life, that we may be able also there in the world to come to be united to one another with great security. For our time here is brief and fleeting. But if we shall be counted worthy by having pleased God to exchange this life for that one, then shall we ever be both with Christ and with each other, with more abundant pleasure"

“Marriage is not just a union of two people, but a union of two souls in a bond of love and mutual respect.” - Saint Gregory the Theologian

"The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together... St. Paul would not speak so earnestly about this subject without serious reason; why else would he say, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord?" Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors, friends, and relatives praise the result." - St. John Chrysostom On Marriage and Family Life (p. 44)

"Remember my bonds,' Paul says. Marriage is a bond, a bond ordained by God. Why then do you celebrate weddings in a silly and immodest manner? Have you no idea what you are doing? You are marrying your wife for the procreation of children and for moderation of life; what is the meaning of these drunken parties with their lewd and disgraceful behav-ior? You can enjoy a banquet with your friends to celebrate your marriage; I do not forbid this, but why must you introduce all these excesses? Camels and mules behave more decently than some people at wedding receptions! Is marriage a comedy? It is a mystery, an image of something far greater." - St. John Chrysostom On Marriage and Family Life (p. 68)

“We ask each other: „Do you love me?" That's why we have no love for each other. The right question is: „Do I love you?" - St. Silouan the Athonite

"Someone asked me: 'Geronda, what unites a husband and wife the most?''Gratitude, I replied. One person loves another because they give. The wife gives her husband trust, devotion, and obedience. The husband gives his wife the confidence that she is under his protection and care. The wife is the homemaker but also the chief servant in the house. The husband is the head of the household but also the bearer of its burdens." + St. Paisios the Athonite

“When you mean to take a wife, don't go running to people, but to God. Tell God: 'Appoint for me the one whom You have prepared for me in Your Providence. Entrust this matter to God, and He will reward you for granting such a great honor to Him.” - Saint Gregory the Theologian

"Aim for a relationship that is built on mutual respect, trust, and selfless love. Put God at the center of your union, and He will bless your marriage." - St. Seraphim of Vyritsa

“A righteous wife is wealth to the house and salvation to the husband.” - Saint Gregory the Theologian

“If a man and a woman marry to satisfy their sexual appetites, or to further the material aims of themselves or their families, then the union is unlikely to bring blessings. But if a man and a woman marry in order to be companions on the journey through earth to Heaven, then their union will bring great joy to themselves and to others.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“When husband and wife are united in marriage they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God Himself.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“The husband and wife should be similar to the hand and the eye. When the hand hurts, the eyes should be crying. And when the eyes cry, the hand should wipe away the tears.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“A good marriage is like a castle when husband and wife truly love and respect each other no one can overcome them.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"When someone marries, he does so in order that his wife may be his helper for Salvation. He must show love, and they must struggle for their Salvation." - Saint Sophrony of Essex

“Obedience is hard, but love is harder. Paul commands husbands, "love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). If necessary a husband should surrender his life for his wife. But even then, a husband will never do anything equal to what Christ has already done for us. A husband is called to sacrifice himself for the person to whom he willingly joined, but Jesus give himself up for us who turned our backs on him in the hatred of sin. One's partner for life, the mother of one's children, the source of one's every joy, should never endure fear and threats, but love and kindness. What kind of marriage can there be when the wife is afraid of her husband in dread that he does not love her? The husband who does not make his wife the loved one in the family has failed as a husband and as a man. - Saint John Chrysostom

“Let your prayers be common. For indeed a house is a little Church. Thus it is possible for us by becoming good husbands and wives, to surpass all others.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“Look for affection, gentleness, and humility in a spouse; these are the tokens of beauty.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"Nothing is more powerful than a pious and sensible woman to bring her husband into proper order, and to mold his soul as she wills. For he will not listen to friends, or teacher, or rulers, as much as he will his partner advising and counseling him, since the advice carries some pleasures with it, because she who gives the counsel is greatly loved." - Saint John Chrysostom

“Where husband, wife, and children are united by the bonds of virtue, concord, and love, there is Christ among them.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“Marriage is a noble and pure institution, and we must therefore do everything in our power to preserve its sanctity and beauty.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“Don't ever talk to your wife badly because sometimes the tongue kills & destroys love.” - Saint Paisios

“Marriage is a journey of love. It is the creation of a new human being, a new person, for, as the Gospel says,"the two will be as one flesh" (Mt 19.5;Mk 10.7). God unites two people, and makes them one. From this union of two people, who agree to synchronize their footsteps and harmonize the beating of their hearts, a new human being emerges. Through such profound and spontaneous love, the one becomes a presence, a living reality, in the heart of the other. "I am married" means that I cannot live a single day, even a few moments, without the companion of my life. My husband, my wife, is a part of my being, of my flesh, of my soul. He or she complements me. He or she is the thought of my mind. He or she is the reason for which my heart beats...in marriage, it seems that two people come together. However it's not two but three. The man marries the woman, and the woman marries the man, but the two together also marry Christ. So three take part in the mystery, and three remain together in life.” - Elder Aimilianos of Simonopetra, of blessed memory

"The partner of one's life, the mother of one's children, the foundation of one's every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and threats, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband have if he dwells with his wife as with a slave? Yea, even though you suffer everything on her account, do not scold her; for neither did Christ do this to the Church." + Saint John Chrysostom

“When husband and wife truly love and respect each other, no one can overcome them... In the providence of God, when a husband is spiritually weak, his wife is spiritually strong; and when a wife is weak, her husband is strong.” - Saint. John Chrysostom

Saint John Chrysostom's advices to husbands :

+ Never speak to your wife in a mundane way but with compliments, with respect and with much love

+ Tell her that you love her more than your own life, because this present life is nothing, and that your only hope is that the two of you pass through this life in such a way that in the world to come, you will be united in perfect love.

+ Say to her, 'Our time here is brief and fleeting, but if we are pleasing to God, we can exchange this life for the Kingdom to come. Then we will be perfectly one both with Christ and with each other, and our pleasure will know no bounds. I value your love above all things, and nothing would be so bitter or painful to me as our being at odds with each other. Even if I lose everything, any affliction is tolerable if you will be true to me.

+ Show her that you value her company, and prefer being at home to being out at the marketplace

+ Esteem her in the presence of your friends and children + Praise and show admiration for her good acts; and if she ever does anything toolish, advise her patiently.

+ Pray together at home and go to Church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the meaning of the readings and the prayers.

If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks.

“There is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife. For this many will lay aside even their arms, for this they will give up life itself. And Paul would never without a reason and without an object have spent so much pains on this subject, as when he says here, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. And why so? Because when they are in harmony, the children are well brought up, and the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, and friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down, and thrown into confusion. And just as when the generals of an army are at peace one with another, all things are in due subordination, whereas on the other hand, if they are at variance, everything is turned upside down; so, I say, is it also here. Wherefore, says he, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.“ - Saint John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians

“Where husband, wife, and children are united by the bonds of virtue, concord, and love, there is Christ among them.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” - Proverbs 18:22

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” - Ephesians 5:22-33

What a husband ought say to his wife by Saint John Chrysostom:

“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us...I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.”

"The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church... He must care for his wife as Christ cares for the Church. And he must guide the household with wisdom, patience, and love." -Saint John Chrysostom

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Genesis 2:24

"There is no relationship between human beings so close as that of a husband and wife, if they are united as they ought to be." - Saint John Chrysostom

"Whoever says that it is impossible to be saved with a wife & children is a deceiver. Abraham had a wife & children & he was called the friend of God! Be devout towards God & loving towards men, & you will be saved." ~ Saint

“There is a limit to love for one's neighbors: to love my neighbor as I love myself; to do unto him as I wish he do unto me. But love for God does not have any limit. Love for God is called to occupy the entire space of our mind, heart, and soul. We may then ask, "Is there not space for love of one's wife, husband, children, or household?" Christ the Lord responds, saying: "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God-that is, love God with all your heart-and all else shall be added unto you"-husband, wife, and children. That is, love for our loved ones is contained in the love which we give to God 100% from our heart-love for loved ones being dependent on love for God.” -Met. Teofan

“Have no concern for money. Love your wife more than you love your own life. Never be at odds, but be true. Prefer her company at home above being out. Esteem and admire her publicly, and advise her patiently. Pray together, go to church, and discuss the readings and prayers. If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"Without humility there cannot be true love. That is why many times I tell the couples when ... they are preparing for marriage to have one competition in their life--who will humble himself before the other other more, who will do more the will of the other' and not to have a competition of who will have the last word but the last two words, 'yes dear' as they say in in English, and that is the true way." - Elder

“The aim of marriage is for the couple to collaborate with God, so that they will give birth to sons and daughters of God. Prayer is needed when choosing. In order for them to make a good choice, much Prayer is needed that the suitable person may be given for this purpose” - Saint Sophrony of Essex

"The purpose of marriage is to support each other in their spiritual journey and to help each other become more like Christ." - Saint Macrina the Younger

"Marriage is a great mystery, and. it represents the union of Christ and the Church." - Saint Basil the Great

"IF YOU WANT TO ENTER THE MONASTERY, GET MARRIED. YOU WILL NO LONGER NEED TO SUBMIT TO A SPIRITUAL MENTOR, YOU WILL NOT NEED TO GO TO REMOTE ISLANDS WHERE THERE ARE STILL CAVES - ALL THIS WILL BE INCARNATED IN YOUR WIFE, YOUR SPOUSE, BECAUSE ALL THE ASCETIC EXERCISES RELATED TO CUTTING OFF YOUR OWN WILL, BY MEANS OF YOUR WIFE, GOD WILL TAKE CARE." - FR ARTEMIO VLADIMIROV

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" - Ephesians 5:25

“Marriage is a noble and pure institution, and we must therefore do everything in our power to preserve its sanctity and beauty." - Saint John Chrysostom

"Marriage is a path to salvation, and it is important to find a partner who will support you in your spiritual journey. Seek someone who is devout, prayerful, and committed to growing closer to God!" - St. John of Kronstadt

"Marriage is a partnership of two people, who support each other in all things, and who love each other deeply, in this lite and in the life to come." - Saint Isaac the Syrian

A strong marriage isNbased on responsibility, obligations, and not at all on the feeling of love. The feeling is the reward. To wake up in the morning with the feeling of love, you have to earn it, at least from the night before. Marriages in which spouses focus only on their feelings are doomed to collapse. The feeling of love, like any other feeling, is variable, and if spouses come together and separate whenever a new feeling visits them, we will have no family, no state, no society, but a sum of selfish and very unhappy individuals idiots, unfit for any serious business. Someone well said that like anything else worth fighting for, marriage requires daily work and fulfillment of each commitment. Then the feeling of love will grow over time. - Priest Mikhail Nemnonov

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." - Colossians 3:18-19

"Before seeking a partner, cultivate a deep relationship with God. Pray for guidance and discernment, and trust in His plan for your life. Remember that a strong foundation in faith will help you build a harmonious and Christ-centered marriage." - Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

"Marriage is under attack and its meaning is trying to be usurped due to one thing only: it is a manifestation of Christ. When a man and a woman join together and put on martyric crowns through slaying their will for the other then Paradise is manifested because the heart instead of beating for itself beats in union with another. This type of true marriage thus becomes a healing fountain for a generation that suffers from the arrhythmia of self love, conceit, and passions. If the Lord said that there is no greater love than to lay one's life down for another and that where even two are gathered he will be present-then marriage is a great mystery. It is an icon of Christ that turns homes into paradise and sheds light in a world of darkness. So, if the world rejects Christ and seeks to crucify Him, is it a surprise that this holy and sacred mystery between a man and woman cannot be accepted by the totalitarian demands of such a spiritually depraved age?" -Fr John Valadez, Wedding Homily

“The purpose of Christian marriage is for people to reach unselfish love and cut off their own will, and thence to reach God." - Saint Sophrony of Essex

“Marriage becomes spiritual as we offer ourselves in self-sacrifice and the effort for the perfection of the other. Thus marriage ceases to be governed by passion or the joining of the bodies, but becomes wholly spiritual, because "the soul is connected in an ineffable relationship with God." Thus, the bodily union leads eventually to the spiritual one.”

“"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." - Hebrews 13:4

Prayer for Finding a Spouse:

"All-Good and Merciful Lord, I know that any enduring happiness in my life dependeth upon my wholehearted love for Thee and upon mine actions according to Thy Holy will in all things; wherefore, direct, my soul, o God, and fill my heart. I seek to please Thee alone, for Thou art my Creator and my God. Preserve me from pride and self-love. Let reason, modesty, and chastity adorn me. Idleness is hateful unto Thee and breedeth vice; grant unto me the inclination to be fruitful in labor, and bless Thou my work. Thy law commandeth that man and wife live in chaste matrimonial union; wherefore lead me, Holy Father, to this blessed calling not for the satisfaction of passions but unto the fulfillment of Thy commandment; for Thou hast said that is not good that man should live alone and, having created woman as his helper, Thou blesses them to be fruitful and multiply that they may fill the earth. Hear my humble prayer which ascendeth unto Thee from the depths of my heart: Grant unto me an honest and pious spouse that, through our love and harmony, together we may praise Thee, our Compassionate God, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen."

Motherhood

Silouana — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 18:28:14 GMT

Saint John Chrysostom pieces of advice on the upbringing of children:

Let us teach our children to place virtue above everything else and to consider wealth as nothing.
By the things which seem trifling, to make them grave, great of soul, superior to outward habiliments; so shall we find them approved in the great things also.
Let us adorn their souls and have them marry pure in soul and body.
Let us bring words of exhortation to his mind:
"My child, fear God alone and fear none other but Him.
Give your children a good education. If you do care for your son, show it thus through the education you offer him.

"The bearing of children in the pre-Christian marriage aimed 'to replenish the earth,' whereas the Christian marriage has for its aim to replenish Christ's Church on earth and in heaven. And, finally, to replenish Paradise." -St. Nikolai Velimirovic

"Lord Jesus Christ, give Your light to my children. I entrust them to You. You gave them to me, but I am weak and unable to guide them, so, please, illuminate them.“ +St. Porphyrios

"Learn that it is a commandment of God that parents beget as many children as God gives them. Those couples that do not keep this commandment will be punished. Also, those who hinder them from keeping this Divine commandment will be punished, both in this life and certainly in the afterlife." Elder Philotheos Zervakos (Modern Orthodox Saints (p. 195))

“Parents must diligently teach their kids about the faith: "They should implant and transmit their own Orthodox faith to their little ones. They should expand on the topic of God, so their children can believe in Him -because children today are shaken by the spirit of atheism, which is prevalent everywhere. If our children do not possess strong faith in their soul, how will they be able to confront the Antichrist in the future? How will they confront the numerous existing antichrists, like the Jehovah's Witnesses and all the other awful heresies if they do not possess the pure faith in Christ? Of course, it would be very beneficial if certain talks took place at some point in the future to discuss topics such as faith in God, and proof of God's existence, so that the children acquire a strong foundation - because without a foundation, every house crumbles. They must acquire a secure and unshakable foundation of faith within themselves, so that, later, they can be in a position to enter the contest and confess the Divinity of our Christ." + Blessed Elder Ephraim of Arizona

"A mother experiences more than one death, even though she herself will only die once. She fears for her husband; she fears for her children; again she fears for the women and children who belong to her children. ...For each of these-whether for loss of possessions, bodily illness, or undesired misfortune-she mourns and grieves no less than those who suffer.“ ~ SAINT JOHN CHRYSOSTOM

“You must not fight with your children, but against Satan who fights your own children. Tell them but a few words and pray for them a great deal. Prayer works miracles. A mother must not be satisfied with her affectionate touch for her child, but she must work to cultivate the spiritual caress of prayer. Your child's salvation passes through your own sanctification. Holiness is not an impossible achievement, it is rather easy. All it takes is that you both acquire humility and love. If you want, you can become a saint in Omonoia Square." -ST. PORPHYRIOS (HEALING THE SOUL (P. 123))

“There is no better way to teach a child Christianity than to live it truly and from the heart. You cannot teach what you do not live.” - Saint Silouan the Athonite

“When we teach our children to be good, to be gentle, to be forgiving (all these are attributes of God), to be generous, to love their follow men, to regard this present age as nothing, we instill virtue in their souls, and reveal the image of God within them.”- St. John Chrysostom

"Raising children is greatly aided when parents consider themselves responsible for all their children's little mistakes, understanding that their own lives are not as they should be before Christ, and that this is precisely why their children behave improperly. When parents humble themselves in this way and sincerely repent, the almighty Christ throws a 'lifeline' to the humbled parents, which saves both them and their misguided children." - Elder Paisios of Mount Athos

“If I say one hundred prayers a day in the silence of Katounakia and you say three prayers amidst the tumult of the city and your professional and family obligations, then we are equal.” - St. Ephraim of Katounakia

“Dearly beloved... it you would have your household freed from the last vestige of infirmity and distress, take care that you and your whole family receive the Sacrament of the Lord every week with inner devotion and pureness of heart." (FROM THE LIFE OF BLESSED EPICTETOS: PRIEST, ASCETIC, MONK, AND MARTYR)

“People with families are also called to holiness, as are those in all kinds of professions, who live in the world, since the commandment about perfection and holiness is given not only to monks, but to all people.” (Hieromartyr Onuphry Gagaluk)

“Having children is a matter of nature; but raising them and educating them in the virtues is a matter of mind and will.” - St. John Chrysostom

“When a mother prays for her children, she must melt like a candle. She should pray silently and with her hands raised high towards Christ, to embrace her child in secret.” - Saint Porphyrios

“Does Christ radiate in you? That is what is transmitted to your child. This is where the secret lies.” - Elder Porphyrios

“Let everything take second place to our care of our children, bringing them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“When the children are young, talk to them about God; when they grow up, talk to God about them." - Elder Ieronymos of Aegina

“The family is the basis of the Lord’s plan; and all forces of evil are focusing all their evil on destroying the family because they know that by destroying the family, the foundations of the plan of God will be shaken.” -Saint Charbel

"Take care of your children, so you might be for them an example of the true Christian life, and the Blessing of the Lord will be with all of you and your children unto the ages of ages." - St. Luke the Surgeon

“Parents should love their children as their children and not as their idols. That is to say, they should love their children as they are and not how they would like them to be to be like them.”- Elder Epiphanios of Athens-

"Children are gifts from God... When people marry and God gives children, they should glorify God. If God does not give children, they should be calm and not worry.” - St. Sophrony of Essex

“It's better for a mother to be involved with the nurturing of her children, rather than being overly involved with household chores and inanimate objects. A mother can speak to her children about Christ; she can read the Lives of the Saints to them. Thus, at the same time she will be occupying herself dusting off her own soul so that it will be spiritually shiny.” - St. Paisios of Mount Athos

"Children look more at their parents lives and reflect them in their young souls than they listen to their words." - St. Tikhon of Zadonsk (Spiritual Councils IV: Family Life p.95)

"The primary lesson for life must be implanted in the soul from the earliest age. The primary lesson for children is to know the Eternal God, the One Who gives everlasting life." - St. Clement of Alexandria

"This is why it's better to equip children with moral and spiritual weapons from infancy, when they're still in control of themselves and free of commitments and passions... Because those who decide to follow the path of spiritual effort at the end of their life spend the whole of their time trying to wash away the sins of the past and this takes up all their attention. And even then they don't manage to rectify their state and they leave this world with the remnants of their spiritual wounds. But those who begin the struggle from childhood don't spend their time doing this, nor are they concerned with the healing of wounds, but they take their reward early on... And they always remain steadfast and true to their principles.” -Saint John Chrysostom

"Take great care of your children. We live at a time when much freedom is given to the expression of thought, but little care is taken that thoughts should be founded on truth. Teach them to love truth." - Saint Macarius of Optina

Those with families are also seekers of light, and they let the light penetrate their lives through bearing children, fidelity between spouses, participation in their parish's life, and taking responsibility with a spirit of sacrifice, wherever it has been arranged for us to live for the work given to each of us, and through this, the Christian with a family, an imitator of the saints, is called "clothed in the divine light." - Metropolitan Teofan

"The children of virtuous families are the leaven of Christ." -Elder Ephraim of Arizona

"A child needs to be surrounded by people who pray, and pray ardently. A mother should not be satisfied by giving her child a physical caress, but should also coddle it with the caress of prayer." - St Paisios the Athonite

"What saves and makes for good children is the life of the parents in the home. The parents need to devote themselves to the love of God. They need to become saints in their relations to their children through their mildness, patience, and love. They need to make a new start every day, with a fresh outlook, renewed enthusiasm and love for their children. And the joy that will come to them, the holiness that will visit them, will shower grace on their children. Generally the parents are to blame for the bad behaviour of the children. And their behaviour is not improved by reprimands, disciplining, or strictness. If the parents do not pursue a life of holiness and if they don't engage in spiritual struggle, they make great mistakes and transmit the faults they have within them. If the parents do not live a holy life and do not display love towards each other, the devil torments the parents with the reactions of the children. Love, harmony and understanding between parents are what are required for the children. This provides a great sense of security and certainty." - Saint Prophyrios

"Changing the world one diaper at a time is as valuable and as powerful as changing the entire cosmos with a cosmic bulldozer! The prayer of that one child if raised in Christ with great love can change our entire human dynamic for eternal good! Saints are what we need in our Orthodox Christian households not social engineering, gadgets and gizmos or political propaganda and sloganeering foisted upon us as 'parenting.' Guilt offerings for parental absence does not parenting make. We need authentic Christian love in our homes and the Holy Spirit will do all the rest.” - Hieromonk Joshua

"Parents must teach their children from their earliest days. They must teach them the fear of God, must cut their bad impulses and faults, and they must not fawn upon them or satisfy their bad desires or appetites. The small child is like the soft candle that you shape as you like, and which accepts whatever seal you put upon it " - Elder Philotheos Zervakos

Regarding the married couple:

They have an obligation to struggle to practice temperance, so as not to impart these carnal passions to their children. You see, young children whose parents have a heightened carnal frame of mind, will, from a young age, also have those inclinations, because they get their carnal mindset from their parents. - St. Paisios of Mount Athos (Spiritual Councils IV: Family Life 68)

“We have to believe and teach our children to believe and begin [their lives] with the thought: how nice it would be to be a saint, to sanctify my life. Because our ideals for this world are too low. And we must give them some ideals so that children at least dare to dream about-and not only to dream about, but to actually believe—what we tell them, and to believe in holiness and in God's goodness. However, when they enter our stage of adulthood, they begin to think according to this world and begin to lose those perspectives that actually bring joy.”

"Marriage is under attack and it's meaning is trying to be usurped due to one thing only: it is a manifestation of Christ. When a man and a woman join together and put on martyric crowns through slaying their will for the other then Paradise is manifested because the heart instead of beating for itself beats in union with another. This type of true marriage thus becomes a healing fountain for a generation that suffers from the arrhythmia of self love, conceit, and passions. If the Lord said that there is no greater love than to lay one's life down for another and that where even two are gathered he will be present-then marriage is a great mystery. It is an icon of Christ that turns homes into paradise and sheds light in a world of darkness. So, if the world rejects Christ and seeks to crucify Him, is it a surprise that this holy and sacred mystery between a man and woman cannot be accepted by the totalitarian demands of such a spiritually depraved age?" -Fr John Valadez, Wedding Homily

Children raised in a secular environment, raised by secular parents, suffer devastation of soul. The secular environment and secularly-minded parents are destroying children. - St. Paisios the Athonite

St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians:

There is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife. For this many will lay aside even their arms, for this they will give up life itself. And Paul would never without a reason and without an object have spent so much pains on this subject, as when he says here, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. And why so? Because when they are in harmony, the children are well brought up, and the domestics are in good order, and neighbors, and friends, and relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be otherwise, all is turned upside down, and thrown into confusion. And just as when the generals of an army are at peace one with another, all things are in due subordination, whereas on the other hand, if they are at variance, everything is turned upside down; so, I say, is it also here. Wherefore, says he, Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

“It is known that the most holy and natural calling for women is the calling to be a wife and a mother. Husbands become like their wives. A woman has very much influence in her home. If she is bad, the home is compromised. If she is good, praying all the time, then she along with her entire family will have a light and a good countenance. Just as mothers are, so too are their children, as well as the society in which we live. The majority of people and the greatest people do not have a faith which they learned from books, but a faith which their mother placed in their soul from childhood, in the first seven years at home.” (Elder Sofian)

“Where husband, wife, and children are united by the bonds of virtue, concord, and love, there is Christ among them.” - Saint John Chrysostom

"Your children should not hear you arguing even once, not even if you raise the tone of your voices to one another." - St. Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia

"The education of children must begin from infancy, so that the child's mental faculties may, from their very first appearance, be directed right from the beginning toward the good, the gentle, the true, and may be removed from the evil, the obscene, and the false." - St. Nektarios of Aegina

“If the parents do not live a holy life and do not display love towards each other, the devil torments the parents with the reactions of the children. Love, harmony and understanding between parents are what are required for the children. This provides a great sense of security and certainty.” - Saint Prophyrios

“Many times children suffer because of their parents' pride.” - Saint Paisios of Mount Athos

Spiritual Councils IV: Family Life p.170

St. Paisios : I remember one time our parents had gone out into the field and had left me in the house with my two younger siblings. The sky suddenly darkened and a torrential rainstorm began. "What will our parents do now?," we said. "How will they get back home?" The two little ones began crying. "Come here," I told them, "we will ask Christ to stop the rain." The three of us knelt down before the family's icons and prayed. In just a few minutes the rain stopped. Miracles happen through the prayers of small children. Whatever they ask of God He gives them because they are guileless and He hears their pure prayer.

"What saves and makes for good children is the life of the parents in the home. The parents need to devote themselves to the love of God. They need to become saints in their relation to their children through their mildness, patience and love." - Saint porphyrios

"Every time you say: 'Lord, have mercy on my child, he will receive from Christ a good thought... The more you Pray the more good thoughts your child will acquire." - Saint Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia

“As for you, give your children the names of saints who lived in virtue and piety, and who were pleasing to God in their lives.“ -Saint John Chrysostom

"First teach your children not how to correctly take a blessing from a priest, but to give up their seat to the elderly, to reach out a hand to the woman getting off the bus, and to do everything for the sake of Christ...A religious upbringing begins not when a mother teaches to say "Our Father," but when a father teaches his son to thank his mother for his washed shirt and prepared lunch." - Fr. Alexander Obcharenko

True Femininity

Silouana — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 01:32:26 GMT

“Who shall find a virtuous woman? For such a one is more valuable than precious stones. The heart of her husband trusts in her: such a one shall stand in no need of fine spoils. For she employs all her living for her husband’s good. Gathering wool and flax, she makes it serviceable with her hands.” (Proverbs 31:10-13)

“Let us imitate our Most Holy Mother of God..Let us imitate her direct obedience, her endearing humility her secret, internal, spiritual effort, her ardent prayer, the constant watchfulness which she showed, her divine love, and the spiritual pain she felt as a knife at the Cross of her Son.” - Elder Ephraim of Arizona

“A good woman is one who is virtuous, pure in heart, and selfless in her love for others.” - Saint Theodora of Alexandria

“When asked what her ideal was she replied; “To be a fully perfect woman, and that is not easy. For one must learn to forgive everything.” - Saint Elizabeth the New Martyr of Russia

“Christian women, believers of the Orthodox Church, preserve the flame of faith and ancient traditions and the holy flame of prayer and piety in our homes more than men. Believing women are at the same time good mothers, dedicated Christians, honest and hard-working wives, and models for society. Faithful women are the first to church, the first in prayer, in fasting, labors, alms, reading good books, in care for the sick and for all. They preserve the spiritual warmth of faith, love, patience, and peace in church, family, and society. Our families are in need of such wonderful mothers today. The Church of Christ is in need of such pious daughters. The society today in which we live is in need of such honest and model women for all.” - Elder Cleopa of Romania

“A woman always shares with her husband the burden of his worries. Regardless of what happens to the husband during the day, entering home should put him in an atmosphere of love.” - Saint Alexandra Feodorovna

“It is often said that women surpass men in piety, and it is known that in all the world and in all ages, women have occupied and occupy the most spots in churches, being more faithful and more disposed to sacrifice. Fully use these gifts, because through sincere devotion and persistent prayer to God and all the heavenly powers, you will be able to strengthen your bodily and spiritual powers, you will acquire a certain stillness and inner peace, which only God can give in the highest degree. In this way you will enrich your souls with humility, faith, hope, good-will, goodness of heart, which is necessary both for us and those around us. Acquiring such gifts, you will be able to share them with those who do not have them. And especially struggle so that these virtues and gifts may fully grow within your families.” - Elder Sofian

“A woman who loves God truly is filled with joy, peace, and compassion, and she radiates these qualities to all those around her." - Saint Xenia of Petersburg

“A woman's beauty should come from within, from the love she has for God and for others." - Saint Silouan the Athonite

“A good woman is not defined by her wealth or status, but by her love for God and her commitment to living a virtuous life." - Saint Macrina the Younger

"Purity and humility are the wings with which a woman flies to heaven." - Saint Mary of Egypt

"A righteous wife is wealth to the house and salvation to the husband." -Saint Gregory the Theologian

"A true Christian woman is one who loves God more than anything else in the world and strives to serve Him with all her heart." - Saint Seraphim of Sarov

“Don't talk to me of female beauty, rather virtues of her soul. A beautiful woman who has not decorated herself with virtue is like a painted coffin.” - Saint John Chrysostom

“The more a woman distances her heart from material things, the closer she comes to Christ. And when her heart is given to Christ, then she acquires great strength.“ - Saint Paisios of Mount Athos

Excerpt from The Perfection of Women in Christ by Abbess Theologia: “Women cannot be bough, and are considered to be a gift from God (Proverbs 19:14) of equal value with a man. A woman’s main occupation is her household…[she] is in charge of childbearing and upbringing…She enjoys many rights as a mother, which makes her person of equal honor to a man’s.”

Excerpt from The Perfection of Women in Christ by Abbess Theologia: “In the Old Testament, a woman is characterized as a vine with godly branches (Hos. 10:1) In the Wisdom of Sirach, a good wife is a cause of rejoicing and long years for her husband. Her virtues are fear of God, charity, patriotism, industriousness, affection, housewifery, and learning. She has rights of inheritance and exhibits praiseworthy heroism, like Deborah’s, Judith, and Esther.”

Excerpt from The Perfection of Women in Christ by Abbess Theologia: “God endowed woman with a hidden river of affection, issuing from deep within her very nature, which is able to reshape the world: to tame it, reconcile and sweeten it, to give and receive love, and elevate it out of its banality.”

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The Beauty of Modesty

Silouana — Sun, 31 Mar 2024 15:32:28 GMT

Humility, chastity, and modesty are virtues that especially adorn the most Pure Virgin Mother of our God. Modesty is itself one of the fruits of the Spirit enumerated by Saint Paul. Modesty is a kindness towards one’s neighbor, a humble goodness that provokes neither envy nor desire, and love that thinks more of others than of self. When we pray in Church, we are especially called to modesty, which enables us to approach God with that humble and contrite heart that He will not despise. Our Lord Himself was modest, modest about His miracles, modest in His speech, modest in His example, modest in the washing His disciples' feet.

Head-coverings are meant to help women cultivate modesty, humility, and love for their brethren during prayer. Early Christian writers viewed the veil or head-covering as a spiritual armor protecting women not only from the gaze of men, but also as a defense against scandal, suspicion, and envy. They were also seen as expressions of obedience, which is why monastics who are men are also required to wear a veil in the Church. Thus, the head-covering is a visible way of saying, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

In the Orthodox Church, the act of placing something under or behind a veil sets it apart as special, as something to be revered and respected, similar to the role played by the temple veil of the Holy of Holies in Jerusalem. Thus, there is a connection between a woman’s veil with covering and revering that which is precious, such as the chalice that contains the wine that will become the Most-pure blood of Christ. And those coverings themselves also become holy. We can see this in the account of the Byzantine Empress Eudokia who donated her personal veil/head-covering to a monastery for use as an altar cloth. Of all articles of clothing, only a woman’s head-covering could become a vestment for the holy altar, for it is already a kind of vestment.

One of the special blessings for Orthodox Christian women is the privilege to follow in the footsteps of saintly women and the Mother of our God in wearing headcoverings as they did in a spirit of modesty and purity. In the Old Testament, we find Rebecca and Susanna putting on or already wearing head-coverings or veils in a spirit of modesty and purity, a practise that would be praised by the church fathers. The most-virgin Mother of God followed this practice and our Lord’s Apostles encouraged it among god-loving women. In fact, Saint Paul, who maintained that Christians are not required to follow Jewish dietary laws, did insist on the importance of continuing to follow the holy tradition of women covering their heads at prayer.

And so, women would wear head-coverings in Church in humble, loving obedience to the counsel of Saint Paul who asked the faithful to “keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you.” He then writes, “Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head. Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head.” He also noted that women ought to have their heads covered “because of the angels,” whose entire holy existence is one of obedience, order, and attention to the will of God. For nearly 2,000 years, women accepted this word of Saint Paul with simplicity and made it a beautiful part of their spiritual lives. Bishops, priests, deacons, and monks were not the only ones to have special clothing for Church. Every Orthodox woman has that privilege as well. Until the fifties, the practice of wearing a head covering in Church was practiced in every Christian community. Roman Catholic and Protestant women alike would always wear a head-covering when going to Church to pray, honoring the Word of God and the practice of their mothers and grandmothers.

Society in the 50s and 60s, however, changed greatly. The sexual revolution, the war on motherhood, an attack on the feminine, a mentality centered on rights and victimhood, rather than virtue and responsibility, drastically altered the way people looked at every aspect of human life. Those who maintained traditional values and customs would come to be ridiculed. Childbearing would be seen as an inconvenience. Marriage would be seen as a hindrance. And modesty would even be seen as oppression. And so, non-Orthodox Christian communities began to view the Apostle Paul’s fatherly guidance about head-covering very differently.

In the Holy Orthodox Church, the wearing of head scarves or veils still remains a revered tradition. In addition to Scripture, many holy fathers and mothers also advocated this practice. In the 2nd century, Saint Hippolytus of Rome wrote in the Apostolic Traditions, “Let all women have their heads covered with an opaque cloth.”Saint John Chrysostom also encouraged women to wear their head-coverings or veils “with care and diligence,” mentioning that as we “wash our hands when we wish to pick up the Bible,… [so] a woman, if she is unveiled, immediately puts on a covering, displaying a token of her inner piety. Do you see that the outward appearance proclaims the inner piety?” In other words, it is an outward expression of love for God and a sense of awe in His presence, which is the patristic definition of piety.

Furthermore, nearly every woman Saint whose icons adorns the frescoes of Orthodox Churches is wearing a headscarf or veil. The only exception is Saint Mary of Egypt, but that is in keeping with the practice in the ancient world for prostitutes to go without head-coverings to be more attractive to men, but for married women to wear a covering on their heads out of modesty. That is also why the woman with many sins who wiped the Lord’s feet with her hair was without such a covering.

In the Lives of the Saints, the wearing of veils is associated with an overshadowing of grace. Scenes of women martyrdoms often depict women without their veil to show that they are suffering violence. Saint Ioannikios healed a woman possessed by the demon of fornication by placing a veil on her head. In the life of the converted prostitute, Saint Pelagia, the writer notes that her wearing a head-covering was a sign of her conversion. But most importantly, all Orthodox Christians celebrate the protecting veil (pokrov) of the Mother of God every year. The inhabitants and visitors to Constantinople could venerate that head-covering of the all-pure Virgin Mary and through it ask for her protection. This is the one covering that all Orthodox Christians, men and women, desire to be under and protected by. Every Orthodox woman who wears a veil or head-covering is also blessed by that veil of the Mother of God, which miraculously and repeatedly protected the faithful from so much harm.

Of course, wearing a head-covering is a personal decision that a woman must make after prayer and consideration. Sarah Elizabeth Cowie was a pro-choice feminist who found her way into the Orthodox Church and embraced Holy Tradition. In her book, More Spirited than Lions, she explores this subject, laying bare the objections to this blessed practice and the benefits of adopting it as well:

“What could be the reasons for abandoning a 2,000 year-old tradition that the Holy Apostle thought right and good? If we say it is sexist or old fashioned, we choose worldliness over godliness. If we say the practice was tied to customs of the ancient world that are no longer in place, we side with modernity and deny the validity of Tradition in the Church. If we say even many Catholics have abandoned the practice, that no other churches require it, and that we don’t want to be different, we are siding with the traditions of men over the traditions of God. If we say we do not look good in hats or they flatten down our hair, making us look ridiculous when we take them off, we give in to vanity and pride. If we say the practice is inconvenient, or we simply do not like it, we give in to sloth. What a wonderful opportunity for unseen warfare! What a wonderful opportunity to develop virtue! Here by such a simple act as covering our heads, we can wage battle against worldliness, vanity, pride, and sloth. The women saints lived lives of true asceticism which most of us are far too weak, and worldly to imitate. Can we not at least do something as simple as covering our heads in church out of love for Christ.

“The external things that the Church requires us to do, as women, are small things. And yet, even these small maters are difficult for us, being raised in the climate of these modern times, which caters to our egos and personal desires. We want to submit only when we want to and only to what seems reasonable to us— which, of course, is not true submission at all…. “Another consideration comes from the Holy Fathers who tell us that for the beginner (which is usually interpreted as all of us), the state of the soul conforms to that of the body. Part of the reason why we need modest dress and a reverent posture in church is that this helps us “lay aside all earthly care” and “mystically represent the cherubim.” If there was ever a generation which needed the sacred Tradition of the Church to help us out of our worldly mentality and into the otherworldly presence of God, it’s us.

“Finally, there is another, deeper, and mystical significance to covering the head. Saint Paul writes, “For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.” Saint John Chrysostom in commenting on this writes, “ a sign of authority,” instead of “power.” Many women notice that when they cover their heads, it contributes to sobriety, prayerfulness, and guarding the tongue. Somehow, binding the head helps bind our senses, helps gird our loins for the buisiness of prayer and worship; it aids us in the task of crying out to the Lord from the depths of our heart. A head covering is not just an exterior custom; it has meaning for the soul. This is the case with everything connected with Church Tradition. It is Tradition because it is full of meaning. Tradition helps the soul on its heavenward journey.”

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Repentance

Silouana — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 20:15:57 GMT

Can a sinner repent of his sins in ten days? According to the immeasurable compassion of God he can. During the reign of Emperor Maurice, there was a well-known bandit in the vicinity of Constantinople. He Inspired fear and trembling both within the capital and without. One day, the Emperor Maurice himself sent the robber a Cross as a sign of faith that he would do him no harm if he surrendered. The robber took the Cross and surrendered. Arriving in Constantinople, he fell before the feet of the Emperor and begged for forgiveness. The Emperor kept his word, had mercy on him and released him. Immediately after that, the robber became gravely ill and sensed that death was drawing near. He bitterly repented of all his sins and tearfully prayed to God that He forgive him, as the Emperor had forgiven him. He shed so many tears at prayer that his handkerchief was completely soaked. After ten days of weeping and praying, the repentant man reposed. The same night he passed away, his physician saw a wondrous vision in a dream: when the robber had given up his soul, there gathered around him black, human-like demons with pieces of paper on which were written all his sins. Two radiant Angels also appeared. The Angels set a scale between them, and the joyful demons placed all those papers on it, weighing down their side of the scale; but the other side was empty. The Angels held counsel: “What shall we place on it? Let us seek something good in his life!” And then that handkerchief soaked with tears of repentance appeared in the hands of one Angel. The Angels quickly placed it on their side of the scale and it outweighed all the demons’ papers. Then the black demons fled, howling sorrowfully, and the Angels took the soul of the repentant thief and carried it to Paradise, glorifying the God who loveth mankind.

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55 Maxims of Christian Living by Father Thomas Hopko

Silouana — Sun, 24 Mar 2024 19:40:24 GMT

Be always with Christ and trust God in everything.
Pray as you can, not as you think you must.
Have a keepable rule of prayer done by discipline.
Say the Lord’s Prayer several times each day.
Repeat a short prayer when your mind is not occupied.
Make some prostrations when you pray.
Eat good foods in moderation and fast on fasting days.
Practice silence, inner and outer.
Sit in silence 20 to 30 minutes each day.
Do acts of mercy in secret.
Go to Liturgical services regularly.
Go to Confession and Holy Communion regularly.
Do not engage intrusive thoughts and feelings.
Reveal all your thoughts and feelings to a trusted person regularly.
Read the Scriptures regularly.
Read good books, a little at a time.
Cultivate communion with the Saints.
Be an ordinary person, one of the human race.
Be polite with everyone, first of all family members.
Maintain cleanliness and order in your home.
Have a healthy, wholesome hobby.
Exercise regularly.
Live a day, even a part of a day, at a time.
Be totally honest, first of all with yourself.
Be faithful in little things.
Do your work, then forget it.
Do the most difficult and painful things first.
Face reality.
Be grateful.
Be cheerful.
Be simple, hidden, quiet and small.
Never bring attention to yourself.
Listen when people talk to you.
Be awake and attentive, fully present where you are.
Think and talk about things no more than necessary.
Speak simple, clearly, firmly, directly.
Flee imagination, fantasy, analysis, figuring things out.
Flee carnal, sexual things at their first appearance.
Don’t complain, grumble, murmur or whine.
Don’t seek or expect pity or praise.
Don’t compare yourself with anyone.
Don’t judge anyone for anything.
Don’t try to convince anyone of anything.
Don’t defend or justify yourself.
Be defined and bound by God, not people.
Accept criticism gracefully and test it carefully.
Give advice only when asked or when it is your duty.
Do nothing for people that they can and should do for themselves.
Have a daily schedule of activities, avoiding whim and caprice.
Be merciful with yourself and others.
Have no expectations except to be fiercely tempted to your last breath.
Focus exclusively on God and light, and never on darkness, temptation and sin.
Endure the trial of yourself and your faults serenely, under God’s mercy.
When you fall, get up immediately and start over.
Get help when you need it, without fear or shame.

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A Preparation for Confession

Silouana — Sat, 23 Mar 2024 22:03:20 GMT

I, a sinful soul, confess to our Lord God and Savior Jesus Christ, all of my evil acts which I have done, said or thought from baptism even unto this present day.

I have not kept the vows of my baptism, but have made myself unwanted before the face of God, I have sinned before the Lord by lack of faith and by doubts concerning the Orthodox Faith and the Holy Church; by ungratefulness for all of God’s great and unceasing gifts; His long-suffering and His providence for me, a sinner; by lack of love for the Lord, as well as fear, through not fulfilling the Holy Commandments of God and the canons and rules of the Church.

I have not preserved a love for God and for my neighbor nor have I made enough efforts, because of laziness and lack of care, to learn the Commandments of God and the precepts of the Holy Fathers.

I have sinned: by not praying in the morning and in the evening and in the course of the day; by not attending the services or by coming to Church only half-heartedly, lazily and carelessly; by conversing during the services by not paying attention, letting my mind wander and by departure from the Church before the dismissal and blessing.

I have sinned by judging members of the clergy.

I have sinned by not respecting the Feasts, breaking the Fasts, and by immoderation in food and drink.

I have sinned by self-importance, disobedience, willfulness, self-righteousness, and the seeking of approval and praise.

I have sinned by unbelief, lack of faith, doubts, despair, despondency, abusive thoughts, blasphemy and swearing.

I have sinned by pride, a high opinion of myself, narcissism, vanity, conceit, envy, love of praise, love of honors, and by putting on airs.

I have sinned: by judging, malicious gossip, anger, remembering of offenses done to me, hatred and returning evil for evil; by slander, reproaches, lies, slyness, deception and hypocrisy; by prejudices, arguments, stubbornness, and an unwillingness to give way to my neighbor; by gloating, spitefulness, taunting, insults and mocking; by gossip, by speaking too much and by empty speech.

I have sinned by unnecessary and excessive laughter, by revising and dwelling upon my previous sins, by arrogant behavior, insolence and lack of respect.

I have sinned by not keeping my physical and spiritual passions in check, by my enjoyment of impure thoughts, licentiousness and unchastity in thoughts words and deeds.

I have sinned by lack of endurance towards my illnesses and sorrows, a devotion to the comforts of life and by being too attached to my parents, children, relatives and friends.

I have sinned by hardening my heart, having a weak will and by not forcing myself to do good.

I have sinned by miserliness, a love of money, the acquisition of unnecessary things and immoderate attachment to things have sinned by self-justification, a disregard for the admonitions of my conscience and failing to confess my sins through negligence or false pride.

I have sinned against the Most-holy and Life-creating Mysteries of the Body and Blood of our Lord by coming to Holy Communion without humility or the fear of God.

I have sinned in deed, word and thought, knowingly and unknowingly, willingly and unwillingly, thoughtfully and thoughtlessly, and it is impossible to enumerate all of my sins because of their multitude. But I truly repent of these and all others not mentioned by me because of my forgetfulness and I ask that they be forgiven through the abundance of the Mercy of God.

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The Importance of Spiritual "Accounting"

Silouana — Sat, 23 Mar 2024 18:59:09 GMT

Saint Joseph the Hesychast, Letter 56

“So let each one of us, both young and old, with every word we say, with every step we take, at every moment of night and day, examine if perhaps we do, say, or think something that is not pleasing to Christ. I wonder, are we always worthy when we approach to commune Christ? I wonder, does our sweet Jesus remain within us? Does He find a place in our pure heart, or does He depart immediately? A true Christian ought to examine all these things at every moment, especially one who want to walk the straight and narrow way of our Lord and reach perfection.”

Elder Ephraim, ‘My Elder Joseph the Hesychast’

“During his vigil, he [Saint Joseph the Hesychast] would also do his spiritual “accounting.” ‘If a monk [or anyone] wants to make progress, he must do “accounting” daily - just as a merchant does at the end of every day to see how much he has gained and how much he has lost. Every evening a monk [or anyone] should examine his conduct to see where he progressed and where he stumbled so that he can make a new beginning of repentance and correction.’ When Elder Joseph did this, he would examine how his day had passed, where he had made mistakes, which passions were acting, which weaknesses were still an issue, and what thoughts had passed through his mind. He would ask himself, ‘Where am I slipping up? Ah, I am being negligent. In what way? Ah, I am not careful with my mouth.’ Whenever he found himself to be at fault, he would immediately seek forgiveness from God and be determined to correct himself and to make a new beginning with a stronger fight against every passion the following day. His entire life was spent examining his conscience, obtaining its advice, and being obedient to it. In this manner, he was gradually freed from the passions and reached the point of not having his conscience condemn him in anything…Just think how prepared he [Saint Joseph the Hesychast] was to be ready on his own and not expect help from others to find salvation! He was ready because every night in his vigil he would examine his conscience and do his spiritual “accounting.” This daily task had prepared him perfectly — humanly speaking — to face death.”

Gerondissa Makrina of Volos, ‘Homilies 22, 50, 54’

“We should take a spiritual account of ourselves. When we have self-reproach and watchfulness in our soul, we will be [like] a rank of Angels…What a beautiful thing it is to spend our day in self-examination, weeping for our sins, looking only at ourselves and not right or left [at everyone else]. We should say, ‘Did I keep any of God’s commandments today? What did I keep? Love? Was I careful not to judge anyone? What did I add to my account? Prayer? Remembrance of God? No, nothing. Was I charitable? Did I pray for anyone? Not at all…We need to put things in order and examine ourselves each day. Every evening we should ask ourselves how we spent the day. Did we do our prayers as God desires? Did we forgive our sister [and brother]? Did we make a prostration to Gerondissa? Were we obedient? Did we do the will of God? Do we have contradiction, grumbling, or resentment within us? Do we have something else that is battling us that is not pleasing to God? We should make an account of these things every evening. In this way our conscience will be at ease before God and Geronda will be comforted, knowing how each one is progressing…When someone decides to cut of his self-will, God considers this a martyrdom. This is how the Fathers struggled [fought] and kept an account. Every evening they said, ‘Let’s see how I lived today. Whom did I sadden? Whom did I embitter? Did I please God? Was my prayer done well? Did I hymn God genuinely? Did I fast? Did I have self-control today for Him? Or was I indifferent or slothful? Did I have self-love, pride, and egotism? When one struggles to cut off the passions that spring up, it is a martyrdom…This is why the Fathers tell us to make an account every day…We should check to see if we cultivated Christ within us. Did we keep the law of God? Did we fight off passions today?…We are not here for enjoyment; we’re here to be saved. We are in exile here. We must cast off the old man so that we may be clothed with the new man and go to Paradise. We are not here by chance, but to correct ourselves.”

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The Last Days

Silouana — Sat, 23 Mar 2024 16:57:43 GMT

“…As to your desire that I inform you what opinion I have about the outcome of today’s international crises, my opinion is in agreement with whatever all the Prophets and Holy Apostles prophesied concerning the present international condition of the wicked days and difficult times. I especially agree with whatever our Lord Jesus Christ foretold in the Gospels concerning the last days and times. What should convince both me and you and all the faithful to believe are the following words of the Lord: “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.” [Matt. 24:35; Mark 13:31; Luke 21:33].

Everything the Lord said in the sacred Gospel took place, but other things are taking place and others will take place. Concerning the end of the age, He did not set the date precisely; He said only, “When you see wars, earthquakes, floods, disbelief, impiety, lawlessness, lack of love, false prophets, false messiahs, and deceivers, then consider that the end is approaching.”

In an ancient book it was written that when the Disciples asked the Teacher when these things would happen and He told them the above, He also told them that when the men became women and the women became men, then the end would take place. And the divine Chrysostom said that the Lord also said this, that the Second Coming will take place when women are lacking in modesty. On the basis of all this, my opinion is that we should be ready, for we do not know either the hour or the moment of death.”

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Works Cited:

Text taken from Pages 58-59 of “Father Philotheos Zervakos: Paternal Counsels, Volume 1” translated by Father Nicholas Palis and published by St. Nikodemos the Hagiorite Publication Society